Fart
by lizardsraccoon
Summary: Remus ate some bad chocolate...


_Ggguurrggle._

"What was that?" Sirius asked turning to Remus who blushed lightly and wrapped an arm over his stomach.

"That was my stomach…it's been giving me problems…"Remus admitted.

"Maybe it was that porridge stuff we had today." Sirius suggested.

Remus shrugged.

Truth was he knew what was giving him an upset stomach. Last week Remus came upon a most wonderful discovery. Apparently some chocolate contained chili. Finding that out he quickly obtained some from the help of Mundungus Fletcher. The local chocolate dealer.

Now there was a bit of regret…Okay no regret.

He didn't tell the others because they had a tendency to hog… _everything._

Maybe this was _their_ karma at work.

 _Gurrrrggg_. Remus ignored it and continued to write down the notes he had missed for Transfiguration down.

 _Guuurrrgglle._ Remus erased a mistake.

 _Gurgle._ Remus rewrote it.

 _Guuurrrgglle_. Remus's eye twitched.

 _Guuurrrgglle._

"Shut up!" Remus yelled at his stomach.

 _Gurg?_

"I don't want to hear you!" Remus snapped at it.

"Remus are you okay?" Sirius looked at his boyfriend with concern.

"I'm fine it's shutting up now." Remus promised. "I'll go visit Madame Pomfrey after this." He added.

Sirius gave him a strange look but said nothing instead he closed his book. "Come on we have to go meet James and Peter."

"Right." Remus nodded following Sirius out the library and to the Gryffindor common room.

When they arrived Sirius immediately plopped down on the couch. "So then I was like 'Shut up Snape' and he was like 'Shut up Potter'." James told them excitedly about his latest fight with his enemy Severus Snape.

Sirius smiled. "You sure do talk about Snivellus a lot."

"Shut up!" James threw his History of Magic book at him. Sirius with expertise ducked just in time. The book instead hit Remus in the shoulder.

"Oops, sorry mate!" James called as Remus gave him a glare and sighed before walking towards a love seat and sitting down.

Then the most embarrassing thing happened. Something the Marauders will remember for years to come.

 _ **FFFAAAAARRRTTTT!**_

It was so loud Remus wasn't surprised that the Slytherins hadn't heard it in the dungeons. Remus immediately turned into a tomato smashed into a wall of a red barn. He cringed as he caught the looks on James and Sirius's face. _THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!_

Remus panicked and opened his mouth but no words came out. The three finally stopped gaping at each other and fell silent.

"Remus…" Sirius spoke his face unreadable.

"IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR MY STOMACH HAS A FREAKING MIND OF HIS OWN!" Remus cried. He had _never_ been more humiliated in his life. He just wanted to curl up and _die_.

James finally broke into a smirk. "Trying to send us to an early grave Remus?"

Remus blushed more if that was even possible.

"What did you eat for breakfast love, fish and _shit?_ " Sirius teased.

"Oh come on it doesn't even stink!" He protested, his face burning.

"That's what you think!" James made a face and pinched his nose with his thumb and index finger.

Remus managed a small laugh his embarrassment fading ever so slightly.

"Moonpie, don't be embarrassed okay? That's a normal human reaction." Sirius cooed settling beside Remus and giving his neck an affectionate snuggle.

"Yeah you always keep saying you're a monster but do monsters fart?" James then got an awe like look on his face. "Hmm… _do_ they?"

Sirius scoffed. "Of course _not!_ Monsters don't have buttholes!"

James glared at him. "Oh _yeah?_ Then how do they poop?"

Sirius shrugged after a moment before looking at Remus who was smiling. "What?"

"I don't know you guys are just the stupidest best friends I've ever had…"

"Awww group hug!" James scrambled towards the two canines squishing them fiercely.

"Anyways, no offense Moons, but I'm not gonna give you the old plunge until that smell goes away." Sirius joked. Remus punched his shoulder playfully.

"Shut up."

Suddenly Peter appeared out of nowhere. "Sorry I'm late." He panted. "What'd I miss?"

The question sent James and Sirius into hysterics and Remus once again grew red.

"Nothing Peter." The werewolf muttered.


End file.
